The Boss has had some feedback from the using classes about our method of fixing IT problems (i.e. fixing them), and how we could do things a little better.
"So... you want us to... not fix the problems?" the PFY asks.
"No, that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that your approach could maybe do with a bit of an overhaul. Instead of attacking the problem head-on, perhaps you could take a more... holistic approach? See how the user feels and maybe engage them in how the problem is affecting them. Perhaps even tailor a unique solution that's not route one, but rather specific to them – and their needs?"
"I'm not entirely sure what you're asking for," I respond.
"Well, I mean, maybe not go in there all guns blazing. Maybe listen to the user – maybe suggest alternatives?"
"Alternatives..." I say, mulling that idea over for a bit...
... a few hours later, in a user's office...
"This looks very much like some form of virus attack!" I observe.
"So what are you going to do?" our user asks.
"I think I should address this holistically, and, uh, how do you feel about that?"
"Well, if it fixes the problem..."
"Oh, it will most certainly solve the problem. What I'm proposing is to take about 1 kilobyte of the virus code and then mix it into 1 megabyte of random bytes – THEN I'm going to take 1 kilobyte of that mixed code and mix THAT into another megabyte of random bytes, THEN I'm going to mail it to your computer, which will cause a minor triggering of antivirus, which will make the entire antivirus system stronger."
"Why?"
"I'm employing holistic healing on your laptop."
"It sounds more like homeopathy."
"Well, potato, tomato..."
"Do you think it will work?"
"Not by itself – but I'm also going to place your laptop in a pyramid that I will shortly construct out of rods of amethyst, which have a calming effect on the aura around your machine – which I will have open and facing due west."
"Uh, why?"
"So it's aligned with the cosmic ley lines. By aligning your laptop with them, the virus and its aura should flow through the ether – not the Ethernet, mind – into the seventh realm of Uranus."
"It sounds like someone's anus is involved," the PFY mumbles unkindly.
"I'm sorry, my assistant has a bit of negative energy, but he will shortly leave the room. Now, how are you feeling about this – positive?"
"I… well, I guess I'm a bit, uh... I'm not sure really."
"Ah, so I'm sensing some doubt – and it doesn't surprise me either, because the feng shui of this room is VERY out of kilter."
"How do you mean?"
"In the first instance, your work center is significantly misaligned because the focal point of personal enterprise should actually be where your doorway is, not where it currently is, and your rubbish bin should actually be in the location that your desk is in. Which probably accounts for your poor work performance."
"My poor what?"
"Oh – perhaps that was just something your manager was saying. Don't worry about it. Anyway, I think the piles of old paper on your desk are negatively affecting your future vision from your third eye – as they're tying you to the past."
"So... what should I do?"
"Well, I think after we move the desk and the bin, we should put that paper in the bin, then move your bookshelf from the west wall to the middle of the room, opening up the aura path to your west-facing laptop."
"I don't know that a bookshelf would be all that good in the MIDDLE of the room?"
"No, but we can't put it on the back wall, as that is the center of the past, and the east wall is a window and you don't want to block natural light, and the desk is near the door. Still, if you don't want to fix this virus problem..."
"Uh... OK, we'll give it a go, I guess."
"Excellent – you won't regret it."
...
"OK, so he regretted it," I say to the Boss several hours later. "It looks like he tried to open his fourth chakra by setting his bin on fire with some incense cones. The doorway was blocked by his desk and then by the burning bookshelf, which fell across the desk, but luckily he managed to jump through the safety glass on the east wall – on his fourth attempt. At that point, I managed to put him out with a CO2 extinguisher..."
"Is he OK?" the Boss gasps.
"More or less. The PFY gave him some color therapy by changing his desktop background color to purple. Then he kicked off the antivirus software – which is what we'd have done in the first place... How does that make you feel?"